Being an ideal father or for that reason mother is not an easy task. We are just humans with our own needs, shortcomings and challenges. Let us take a moment to tell our children that we love them, give them that safe place and ease their existence with a kind word, hug or with encouragement. Here is a wonderful poem to remind us of that:
W. Livingston Larned
condensed as in “Readers Digest”
Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little
paw crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily
wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone.
Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the
library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me. Guiltily
I came to your bedside.
There are the things I was thinking, son: I had been cross
to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because
you gave your face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to
task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when
you threw some of your things on the floor.
At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things. You
gulped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You
spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started off
to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand
and called, “Goodbye, Daddy!” and I frowned, and said in
reply, “Hold your shoulders back!”
Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came
up the road I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles.
There were holes in your stockings. I humiliated you before
your boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house.
Stockings were expensive-and if you had to buy them you would
be more careful! Imagine that, son, from a father!
Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how
you came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes?
When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption,
you hesitated at the door. “What is it you want?” I snapped.
You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge,
and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your
small arms tightended with an affection that God had set
blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither.
And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs.
Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped
from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What
has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding fault, of
reprimanding-this was my reward to you for being a boy. It
was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too
much of youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own
And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your
character. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn
itself over the wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous
impulse to rush in and kiss me good night. Nothing else matters
tonight, son. I have come to your bedside in the darkness, and
I have knelt there, ashamed!
It is feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these
things if I told them to you during your waking hours. But
tomorrow I will be a real daddy! I will chum with you, and suffer
when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh. I will bite my
tongue when impatient words come. I will keep saying as if it
were a ritual: “He is nothing but a boy-a little boy!”
I am afraid I have visualized you as a man. Yet as I see you
now, son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are
still a baby. Yesterday you were in your mother’s arms, your
head on her shoulder. I have asked too much, too much.
What do South Asian parents want from their children
What do South Asian parents want from their children?
We want to see our children happy, healthy and prosperous pursuing their dreams regardless of their faith, age, gender or station in life.
It would be ideal to hear that from our parents that they want us to be true to ourselves above all the dogma of culture or people.
Regardless of religion.
Regardless of country.
Regardless of gender.
Regardless of age.
As parents we will protect our children against prejudice, discrimination and disdain of other people in the community who hold onto staunch belief of old mindset.
We are educated.
We are free.
We promote basic human rights and privileges.
We encourage our children to follow truth regardless of it being ugly or beautiful, regardless of it offending or assisting or regardless of it being self serving or not.
We grow stronger with our family, religious and cultural values, yet still be amazing individuals pursuing our own calling in life.
Change is the only permanent thing and at that there is no permanence.
So why hold onto life so tight.
Let it flow for ourselves and our children to make their happiness, health and prosperity be the main aim in life.
It is not a foreign concept and it can permeate into your new consciousness.
So what our child does not live at home, so what they married out of the culture or so what they pursued a non-traditional life.
We will see examples of that in other families and must adjust yourself to the changes.
We may want to fulfil our un-lived lives, dreams and hopes through your children.
We may want them to bring us honour, respect and fame.
We may want them to become a sports star, doctor or a lawyer that we wanted to become.
We may want them to marry a certain somebody.
Just because we put our dreams on the shelf for later, we stayed in the shadows, we were shallow with our own dreams, we shrank our dreams or just shopped around all our lives. It does not mean that we shoot our children’s dreams down or not let them shine.
We will encourage our children, build them up, support them and stand by them to achieve their highest potential in the endeavour they choose and be the cheerleaders.
We love them unconditionally because they are the future and they have their own calling and inner voice that they must listen to.
We will be their friends and parents, a safe place that they can call home.
Throughout history, benefactors have supported, encouraged and financed finer ideas in life to move humanity to the next level. There are so many examples in the world to progress music, poetry, art and social causes.
These people may have been poor, broke and their intentions may have been in question, however now we revere their greatness. Grateful to them for inspiring, improving and contributing to human consciousness. Giving us wonders that we can be awed for centuries to come.
Gandhi was financed by politicians
Most of Indian poets had rich kings as their benefactors.
South Asian women network TV is seeking a benefactor, mentor and supporters. The ones in need of this cannot afford to pay.
Please contact us at email@example.com to support us. Thank you.
Through this toilsome world, alas,
Once and only once I pass,
If a good deed I may do,
If a kindness I may show
To a suffering fellow man,
Let me do it while I can,
No delay for it is plain
I shall not pass this way again.
***A story about an act of kindness: This book was shipped to me by a stranger that I found online offering the book for free. Even though, I offered to pay for the shipping; the person sent it without any remuneration or recognition. It was unbelievable and revived my faith in humanity. Thank you stranger and I shall pay your kindness forward many folds. Peace, love, light and hugs***
South Asian people tend to be very emotional and are very fearful of rejection. The tend to seek more approval of others compared to other cultures.
Instead of being true to themselves, they tend to go out of their way to accommodate other people may it be friends, family or strangers.
There are positive side of this that this characteristic makes them likeable and build relationships.
However, this characteristic does not allow them to be assertive and true to themselves.
The amazing thing is that even you bend yourself out of shape for other people, you are less likely to please everyone.
By putting your own happiness in other people’s hands, you are at the mercy of other people’s approval, whims and mood swings.
Most people think more about what they are going to have for lunch than your well being.
“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.” ― William W. Purkey
As per Christine Comaford-Lynch, hold a rejection party and her mantra is some will, some won’t, so what someone is waiting. She also suggests that you throw a rejection party to overcome your fear of rejection.
You can also make a list of your fears and tackle one everyday.
Fear of rejection is natural, don’t take it personally and say “next.”
Go take a cold calling job, telemarketing job or paddle a product from door to door, you will overcome your fear very quickly.
At the end of the day rejection is not personal.
It is part of life.
As Frank Herbert said in his genius book, Dune:
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the ear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
Fear of all kinds and sizes is a form of psychological infection. We can cure a mental infection the same way we cure a body infection—with specific, proved treatments… con-dition yourself with this fact: all confidence is acquired, developed. No one is born with confidence. Those people around you who radiate confidence, who have conquered worry, who are at ease everywhere and all the time, acquired their confidence, every bit of it…action cures fear. Indecision, postponement, onthe other hand, fertilize fear… Jot that down in your success rule book right now. Action cures fear…Hesitation only enlarges, magnifies the fear. Take action promptly. Bedecisive.” ~ David J. Schwartz from The Magic of Thinking Big
"There is no past that we can bring back by longing for it. The only real failure is the failure to try. The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing. Nothing happens unless first we dream. We get up in the morning. We do our best. Nothing else matters. This is a new and different world. The challenge is to cope with it. Not just cope but thrive. All we know about the future is that it will be different. Most things don’t work out as expected, but what happens instead often turns out to be the good stuff. Everything will be all right in the end. If it's not all right then it's not the end."
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel Movie
What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the
striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him. What he needs is
not the discharge of tension at any cost, but the call of a potential
meaning waiting to be fulfilled by him. "
“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.”
Mary Anne Radmacher
"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail".
Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I would rather be ashes than dust!
I would rather that my ashes should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot.
I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of a man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time."
“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “press on” has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”