Give yourself permission to understand that we live in a bubble universe and we only experience what is in our own heads. Our world is different from every other human and animal on the planet. We are unique and how we experience the world is unique to us.
Give yourself permission to believe nothing, not anyone else’s story nor your own story. All the stories we tell ourselves are lies and nothing is really true. It’s just our stories. Take nothing anyone says to you or about you personally as they are talking about you. They are talking about a character in their story, a character that is not you. They can never really know you nor know who or what you really are.
Give yourself permission to transform what your judge says into something that you no longer believe. Your judge has been lying to you all your life. All the judgments about you, about you are not good enough not smart enough or not perfect enough are lies the judge has told you.
Give your self permision to understand what you call thinking is the judge talking-that it is NOT YOU! You can have the judge work for you or against you. There is no in-between. You must require the judge to give only resppect and love-and even then do not believe it.
Give yourself permisison to watch your life movie in the theatre of your mind an dsee it as it truly is, an illusion that you have made up, simply as story. That what you think happened is not real. It is only your story of what happened. Others will have other stories an dnone of them are true.
Give yourself permission to decide how you want to re-write your story. What do you want to ben in your story and what kind of experiences would you like if you could wite your own story. Giv eyourself permission to write this new sotry and to be willing and courageous enough to have what you really want.
Give yourself permssion to know that you are pure life force writing the book of your life and that you can change your own character in the story. Be this new person, and do not think it too difficult or impossible to become this person. Know that you are the main character I nyour book of life and because it’s only a store, you can recreate your character any way you want her to be.
Give yourself permission to undertand that emotions are reactions to your judge. First your judge and then you feel an emotion from that judgement. There is nothing wrong with feeling emotions. Only strive to feel emotions from what is real, that which is being. And remember all negative emotions come from our belief in our judgements.
Give yourslef permission to be what you want to be and to do what you want to do. Do not believe your own rules. The judge made them and the rules you have about what you can and can’t do are no more real than your story.
Give yourself permission to understand that Self Love-Abundance. To the amount that you love yourself create abundance. Begin to love yourself so much you are willing to give yourself everything.
Do some, don’t let me dare say more South Asian men treat their women like cows.
They think or maybe don’t think that we have feelings or a say in any matter.
I just received a call from a woman who told me that her husband and her father in law treat her like a cow. She lovingly cooked a meal for the entire family at two households and was met with disapproval of having too spicy something. These two men alone make her life miserable. What about being Grateful? Compassionate? Then to threaten, if I treated you like other men treat their wives, you will know. Standards get even lower by the minute. As the old adage goes he does not hit you, so he treats you alright.
I am ashamed to even think or believe let alone write about this in a blog. However, as you can tell it has infuriated me enough to take a frying pan and hit them on their head to awaken some stars and tell them to wake up and smell the roses. Stop treating women as cows, they think, feel and above all are part of your family.
What are these men teaching their children how they should treat women? Who is going to end the cycle?
It is a power play or whatever it may be. I wish these men to come back as women, even better as cows in the next life to know how to treat a human being.
Then of course, there are some wonderful South Asian men (with their own quirks) who treat their women like Goddesses.
If you are marrying yourself or your daughter, make sure to see how is the guys relationship with his mother, his sister or even service people like receptionists/servers, how he treats and talks about the women around him.
South Asian women may not have a big economical return on investment in the eyes of the people or of consequence, however we are all one. Connected in the same web and as even a tiny part of our body has a tumor it affects the entire body.
If we turn a blind eye to injustices and mistreatments, how can we and our children be healthy, well and flourish?
Being an ideal father or for that reason mother is not an easy task. We are just humans with our own needs, shortcomings and challenges. Let us take a moment to tell our children that we love them, give them that safe place and ease their existence with a kind word, hug or with encouragement. Here is a wonderful poem to remind us of that:
W. Livingston Larned
condensed as in “Readers Digest”
Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little
paw crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily
wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone.
Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the
library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me. Guiltily
I came to your bedside.
There are the things I was thinking, son: I had been cross
to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because
you gave your face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to
task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when
you threw some of your things on the floor.
At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things. You
gulped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You
spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started off
to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand
and called, “Goodbye, Daddy!” and I frowned, and said in
reply, “Hold your shoulders back!”
Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came
up the road I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles.
There were holes in your stockings. I humiliated you before
your boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house.
Stockings were expensive-and if you had to buy them you would
be more careful! Imagine that, son, from a father!
Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how
you came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes?
When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption,
you hesitated at the door. “What is it you want?” I snapped.
You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge,
and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your
small arms tightended with an affection that God had set
blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither.
And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs.
Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped
from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What
has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding fault, of
reprimanding-this was my reward to you for being a boy. It
was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too
much of youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own
And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your
character. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn
itself over the wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous
impulse to rush in and kiss me good night. Nothing else matters
tonight, son. I have come to your bedside in the darkness, and
I have knelt there, ashamed!
It is feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these
things if I told them to you during your waking hours. But
tomorrow I will be a real daddy! I will chum with you, and suffer
when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh. I will bite my
tongue when impatient words come. I will keep saying as if it
were a ritual: “He is nothing but a boy-a little boy!”
I am afraid I have visualized you as a man. Yet as I see you
now, son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are
still a baby. Yesterday you were in your mother’s arms, your
head on her shoulder. I have asked too much, too much.
What do South Asian parents want from their children
What do South Asian parents want from their children?
We want to see our children happy, healthy and prosperous pursuing their dreams regardless of their faith, age, gender or station in life.
It would be ideal to hear that from our parents that they want us to be true to ourselves above all the dogma of culture or people.
Regardless of religion.
Regardless of country.
Regardless of gender.
Regardless of age.
As parents we will protect our children against prejudice, discrimination and disdain of other people in the community who hold onto staunch belief of old mindset.
We are educated.
We are free.
We promote basic human rights and privileges.
We encourage our children to follow truth regardless of it being ugly or beautiful, regardless of it offending or assisting or regardless of it being self serving or not.
We grow stronger with our family, religious and cultural values, yet still be amazing individuals pursuing our own calling in life.
Change is the only permanent thing and at that there is no permanence.
So why hold onto life so tight.
Let it flow for ourselves and our children to make their happiness, health and prosperity be the main aim in life.
It is not a foreign concept and it can permeate into your new consciousness.
So what our child does not live at home, so what they married out of the culture or so what they pursued a non-traditional life.
We will see examples of that in other families and must adjust yourself to the changes.
We may want to fulfil our un-lived lives, dreams and hopes through your children.
We may want them to bring us honour, respect and fame.
We may want them to become a sports star, doctor or a lawyer that we wanted to become.
We may want them to marry a certain somebody.
Just because we put our dreams on the shelf for later, we stayed in the shadows, we were shallow with our own dreams, we shrank our dreams or just shopped around all our lives. It does not mean that we shoot our children’s dreams down or not let them shine.
We will encourage our children, build them up, support them and stand by them to achieve their highest potential in the endeavour they choose and be the cheerleaders.
We love them unconditionally because they are the future and they have their own calling and inner voice that they must listen to.
We will be their friends and parents, a safe place that they can call home.
***A story about an act of kindness: This book was shipped to me by a stranger that I found online offering the book for free. Even though, I offered to pay for the shipping; the person sent it without any remuneration or recognition. It was unbelievable and revived my faith in humanity. Thank you stranger and I shall pay your kindness forward many folds. Peace, love, light and hugs***
South Asian people tend to be very emotional and are very fearful of rejection. The tend to seek more approval of others compared to other cultures.
Instead of being true to themselves, they tend to go out of their way to accommodate other people may it be friends, family or strangers.
There are positive side of this that this characteristic makes them likeable and build relationships.
However, this characteristic does not allow them to be assertive and true to themselves.
The amazing thing is that even you bend yourself out of shape for other people, you are less likely to please everyone.
By putting your own happiness in other people’s hands, you are at the mercy of other people’s approval, whims and mood swings.
Most people think more about what they are going to have for lunch than your well being.
“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.” ― William W. Purkey
As per Christine Comaford-Lynch, hold a rejection party and her mantra is some will, some won’t, so what someone is waiting. She also suggests that you throw a rejection party to overcome your fear of rejection.
You can also make a list of your fears and tackle one everyday.
Fear of rejection is natural, don’t take it personally and say “next.”
Go take a cold calling job, telemarketing job or paddle a product from door to door, you will overcome your fear very quickly.
At the end of the day rejection is not personal.
It is part of life.
As Frank Herbert said in his genius book, Dune:
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the ear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
Fear of all kinds and sizes is a form of psychological infection. We can cure a mental infection the same way we cure a body infection—with specific, proved treatments… con-dition yourself with this fact: all confidence is acquired, developed. No one is born with confidence. Those people around you who radiate confidence, who have conquered worry, who are at ease everywhere and all the time, acquired their confidence, every bit of it…action cures fear. Indecision, postponement, onthe other hand, fertilize fear… Jot that down in your success rule book right now. Action cures fear…Hesitation only enlarges, magnifies the fear. Take action promptly. Bedecisive.” ~ David J. Schwartz from The Magic of Thinking Big
“If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.”
― Albert Einstein
Take Parenting Classes
You are the parent, so provide the parenting that your children need
Power of a role model; it is not what we say, but what we do that children see
Carl Jung wrote that “the greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of the parents.”
“The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” ― John Wooden, Wooden: A Lifetime of Observations and Reflections On and Off the Court
Don’t argue in-front of your children
Control your moods
Look after your children’s needs
Protect your children from any opportunity to be in such a situation from inside or outside the home
Learn to discipline them through structure, consequences and privelages
Parenting classes teach you how to bring order to your family
Our Family Rules
• We respect, help & care for each other
• We speak nicely, softly, to never hit each other & solve arguments/ conflicts with elders
• We put away our things in the right place, pick-up, clean after ourselves, put garbage in garbage cans, laundry in the laundry basket
• We respect & listen to our elders
• We choose wisely
• No screaming
• No lying or stealing
• No excuses
• Smile ☺
Last, but not least in addition to protecting (sheltering) them also teach them life skills, give them tools and confidence to deal with people, situations and themselves. Above all, make sure that they know that you love them unconditionally and want the very best for them.
How to be a great South Asian parent is an ope dialogue, please feel free to contribute below.
Here is a story about Importance of speaking softly in a relationship
A Hindu saint who was visiting river Ganges to take a bath found a group of family members on the banks, shouting in anger at each other. He turned to his disciples smiled and asked.
“Why do people shout in anger shout at each other?”
Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, “Because we lose our calm, we shout.”
“But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner.” asked the saint
Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples.
Finally the saint explained , “When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance. What happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small.”
The saint continued, “When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.”
He looked at his disciples and said. “So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant, Do not say words that distance each other more, Or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.”
Importance of speaking softly in a relationship is an open dialogue.
”Do your work. Not just your work, do a little more, but that little is worth more than all the rest.
And if you suffer, as you must, and if you doubt, as you must, do your work.
Put your heart into it, and the sky will clear.
Then out of your doubt and suffering will be born the supreme joy of life.”
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the
striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him. What he needs is
not the discharge of tension at any cost, but the call of a potential
meaning waiting to be fulfilled by him. "
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
"There is no past that we can bring back by longing for it. The only real failure is the failure to try. The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing. Nothing happens unless first we dream. We get up in the morning. We do our best. Nothing else matters. This is a new and different world. The challenge is to cope with it. Not just cope but thrive. All we know about the future is that it will be different. Most things don’t work out as expected, but what happens instead often turns out to be the good stuff. Everything will be all right in the end. If it's not all right then it's not the end."
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel Movie
"Forget mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you’re going to do today and do it. Today is your lucky day."