Category: 3. Your Husband
SAHARA Mens Group Greater Toronto Area

SAHARA Mens Group Greater Toronto Area

SAHARA Mens Group Greater Toronto Area

SAHARA Men’s Group is a linguistically and culturally appropriate psycho-educational 16-week group program for South Asian men. This group addresses both “violence” behaviour and substance abuse issues simultaneously. In addition, this group works closely with women and children and provides holistic care to the entire family. SAHARA Men’s group facilitators use the Ontario Domestic Assault Risk Assessment (ODARA) tool to determine the risk associated with men for assaulting his partner again in the future.

Topics covered include:

Violence Component (16 Sessions)
What is abuse (two parts)
Myths; Power and Control (two parts)
Cycle of violence; Cycle of control
Anger management (four parts)
Effects of violence on children (two parts)
Healthy sexuality
Effective and non abusive communication skills
New man

Alcohol Component (16 Sessions)
What is alcohol?
Definition of an alcoholic
Warning Signs
Nature of addictive disease
Drinking Chart
Defence mechanisms
Progression and recovery
Stages of Change (two parts)
Drinking and driving (two parts)
Relapse Prevention (two parts)
Saying “No”; Life after addiction (two parts)

By Baldev Mutta
of Punjabi Community Health Services PCHS

Website: http://www.pchs4u.com/

For more information to get services in Brampton and Malton.

PCHS Head Office
11730 Airport Rd. Brampton,  ON
L6R 0C7
Phone: 905-790-0808

Malton Office
2829 Derry Road East
Mississauga, ON, L4T 1A5
Phone: 905-677-0889

Thank you Mr. Baldev Mutta and his team to make these videos available to our community. Please keep up the great work, it is needed by our families.

Other Video Series in the following topics in Punjabi language

  1. What Is Addiction In Punjabi
  2. Understanding And Having A Better Marriage
  3. Family Matters
  4. Risky Behaviour
  5. What Is Frustration
  6. Underlying Causes Of Behaviour
  7. Changing Behaviour
  8. Mental Health
  9. Forgiveness 
Dates All year
Areas Served Greater Toronto Area
Eligibility Ages: 18 year(s) and upPrimarily South Asian men
Application Self referral or professional, agency referral
Fees None – Free
Languages English ; Hindi ; Punjabi ; Urdu
Meetings Sat, 9:30 am-12:30 pm, Chemical Withdrawal Centre, 135 McLaughlin Rd S, Brampton (S of Queen St W)
Contact Information
Address Chemical Withdrawal Centre
135 McLaughlin Rd S
Brampton, ON L6Y 2C8View Google Map
Intersection McLaughlin Rd, S of Queen St W
Accessibility Fully Accessible
Mailing Address 11730 Airport Rd
Brampton, ON L6R 0C7
Office Phone 905-790-0808
Fax 905-790-0802
E-Mail info@punjabiservices.com
Website www.punjabiservices.com
Primary Contact Baldev Mutta, Executive Director, Punjabi Community Health Services; Phone: 905-790-0808 ext 222; Email: baldev@pchs4u.com
Alternate Contact Amandeep Kaur, Facilitator, Punjabi Community Health Services; Phone: 905-677.0889; Email: amandeep@pchs4u.com
Volunteer Coordinator Baldev Mutta, Executive Director; Phone: 905-790-0808 ext 222; Email: baldev@pchs4u.com
Subjects Addictions ; Alcoholism ; Assaulted women ; Education ; Family violence ; Male batterers ; Men ; Mental health ; Mental health services ; Self help groups ; South Asian community ; Woman abuse

 

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Understanding and having a better marriage in Punjabi

Understanding and having a better marriage in Punjabi

Understanding and having a better marriage in Punjabi

By Baldev Mutta
of Punjabi Community Health Services PCHS

Website: http://www.pchs4u.com/

Punjabi Community Health Services http://www.pchs4u.com/

For more information to get services in Brampton and Malton.

PCHS Head Office
11730 Airport Rd. Brampton,  ON
L6R 0C7
Phone: 905-790-0808

Malton Office
2829 Derry Road East
Mississauga, ON, L4T 1A5
Phone: 905-677-0889

Thank you Mr. Baldev Mutta and his team to make these videos available to our community. Please keep up the great work, it is needed by our families.

Other Video Series in the following topics in Punjabi language

  1. What Is Addiction In Punjabi
  2. Understanding And Having A Better Marriage
  3. Family Matters
  4. Risky Behaviour
  5. What Is Frustration
  6. Underlying Causes Of Behaviour
  7. Changing Behaviour
  8. Mental Health
  9. Forgiveness
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How to save your marriage

How to save your marriage

How to save your marriage?

Divorcing is a very serious step to take in life.  It’s far greater than taking the step to marry.  This should not come as a surprise.  Divorcing is not just unwinding a marriage.  It’s a process loaded with bitterness, negativity and pain.  Compounding all of these feelings is the fact that you are taking an enormous step down from your standard of living.  Divorcing must only be considered an option when all else has failed.  If you haven’t received counseling for yourself or as a couple, then don’t jump to divorce.  The only exception is when there is a real risk of harm and violence.  In that case, take immediate steps to protect yourself and your children.  Marriage counseling is a critical chance for the two of you to have someone independent help you.

The usually issues are communication, power or money.  If these three are balanced, then I believe the marriage will be healthy in the bedroom as well.  Intimacy issues, I believe, are symptoms of power imbalances.  If you’re the one not being heard, not having input and not making spending decisions, then you’re the one wanting a divorce, or wanting to go to marriage counseling.  At the end of the day, it’s about negotiating fairness.  Building a model of fairness around communication, decision making and money matters takes cooperation.  If one person is comfortable with the status quo and the other is miserable, then you need to re-negotiate.  Negotiating is not about shouting and tears.  Too often, this is what happens.  Shouting and tears might get the other sides attention, but it won’t likely result in effective re-negotiating.  If you are feeling emotional, you need to go through that phase and clear your mind before you can begin formulating a negotiation plan.

Assuming you’ve passed through the emotional phase and you’ve got their attention, you need to start negotiating effectively.  This means spending time yourself figuring out what it is you want.  My bet is it’s always fairness that is lacking, or some kind of marital harmony.  Some people call it “balance” or “equality”, and others will refer to it as “respect”.  To me it’s all fairness.  Write down what fairness means to you.  What does it feel like?  Use a scenario and view it as a scene in a movie.  Write a script.  Now that you have it down on paper and more clear in your mind you’re now ready to negotiate.  This means identify the issue for your better half.  But do it diplomatically.

The key is diplomacy, which means inviting the other side to a discussion.  Say privately, “When should we sit down to discuss pre-paying our mortgage?”  Don’t blurt out in front of company, “Anil thinks we shouldn’t pre-pay our mortgage”.  Do say, “Can we sit down this month and review our mortgage options?”  Avoid saying, “You’re not sharing information about our mortgage!”  Effective negotiation is a diplomatic technique.  It is not about demands or ultimatums.  It’s ultimately a communication tool designed to create a positive outcome for both sides.

Be considerate and not rude.  Be persistent and not pushy.  Your tone and body language must be diplomatic as well.  You still haven’t started negotiating.  So far you’ve identified your issue and made a diplomatic invitation to discuss it.  Next, study the other side.  What are their strengths and weaknesses as they pertain to the issue?  Using are mortgage renewal example, are they organized with paperwork?  Do they view themselves as well informed on finances?  Do they like to make their opinion on the matter first?  How much time will they want to devote to this issue?  What time of day is best to discuss the issue?  Should information be shared via email?  These types of strategic questions will give you a tactical advantage in the negotiation.  In addition to this, decide what outcome you are aiming for.  Do you want an open discussion with no decision having been made?  Do you want to simply be heard without interruption?  Do you want to feel respected?  Do you want to establish options to be considered at another time?  You have now listed a range of outcomes to your negotiation.

Now that you’ve done your homework, you can enter the negotiation peacefully and with an aim at success on your terms.  You’ve created an atmosphere of peace and cooperation.  You’re also demonstrating a balanced and considerate approach to communication.  Best of all, this will serve as a blueprint for the next issue you wish to deal with, or re-negotiate.  Now you can say to yourself that you tried to work on your marriage.

Blog Submission by Sehota Magic.

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Love me until I am me again

Love me until I am me again

Love me until I am me again is very important in a relationship.

When you can be yourself in a relationship and feel good about yourself.

This person brings the best in you.

The person is respectful, caring and loving towards you and highlights the best parts of you.

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Attracting the Right Partner In Your Life

Attracting the Right Partner In Your Life

Attracting the Right Partner In Your Life

In an easy and relaxed manner,
In a healthy and positive way,
In its own good time,
For the highest good of all,
I desire and intend for a partner to come into my life and into the lives of
All who hold this intention.
This or something better!!!

The intention is that
We are incredibly happy
We are madly in love
We laugh together
We have great intimacy
We enjoy many of the same things and each others’ company
We have a lifelong fulfilling, satisfying, adventurous, spontaneous,
passionate, enthusiastic, loving, committed, secure and safe relationship
We are best friends who inspire each other to be, learn and grow
Just seeing each other brightens our day.

 

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Marrying a South Asian Man

Marrying a South Asian Man

Marrying a South Asian Man

How would be marrying a South Asian Man?

What reservations would you have?

There are many things to consider marrying, but in South Asian culture some are more prevalent than others.

In life nothing is perfect, so you cannot expect your man to be perfect either.

South Asian culture has its’ own idiosyncrasies and they can create problems for you later.

I would think very carefully and do my due diligence before getting involved with a South Asian man.

 

Some of the concerns that I have are below:

  • How independent is he?
  • Who is running his life? Himself, his parents, his relatives, religion or cultural norms?
  • Is he going to be controlling? Boss me around tell me what to do what not to do, who to meet or what to wear?
  • Would he participate in the activities that I enjoy?
  • Is he truthful and a person of high integrity?
  • Would he help around the house?
  • Is he going to respect my family?
  • How old is he and is he still living with his family?
  • Are you expected to live with his family after marriage?
  • Would he show respect to me?
  • Is he able to participate in the child raising process?
  • Does he overly play, watch or obsesses about hockey, cricket or other sports?
  • Is he lazy?
  • Does he have any bad addictions gambling, alcohol or smoking?
  • Is he very picky with food, clothing or other matters of life?
  • How much does he listen to other women in his life like mother, sister and cousins?
  • Would he be loyal in a relationship?
  • Is he overly judgmental?
  • How good is he in bed? Is he going to make sure that I am reasonably satisfied? Or is he going to jump on me, do his deed and be off?

If you are able to do your home work ahead of time before marrying a South Asian man, you will be better off later on.

I compare getting into a relationship like buying a shoe, it just has to be almost perfect. Would you buy a shoe solely based on its appearance or looking at it? Or that the style is really nice.

Otherwise, as soon as you get into it every thing will make you uncomfortable, hurt you or plainly give you blisters.

This is an open dialogue, please feel free to comment.

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Things that drive men crazy

Things that drive men crazy

Men love women. They do. But that doesn’t mean women don’t drive them crazy. Even after oceans of ink have been spilled about how the two sexes can better understand and accept each other, women still find ways to annoy men — and vice versa. Here are the top five ways she’s making you crazy right now. Ladies, are you guilty of any of these irritating behaviors?

Things that drive men crazy – 1. Game-playing/manufacturing drama. There are lots of ways to create drama and excitement in a relationship, but men aren’t usually fans — unless said excitement involves clothing removal. “Asking too much too soon about his past relationships” is one way women drive men nuts and create drama, says Dr. Linda R. Young, Ph.D., a psychologist and relationship coach who blogs for Psychology Today. Making him late by taking too long to get ready is another. Getting irrationally jealous over platonic friends or running hot, then cold with no explanation are just a few more.

Whether the drama is minor or significant, men would rather skip it. “I think these exist because men and women don’t have the skills to live beyond the ‘game-playing’ they learned as adolescents, which is perpetuated by the media,” explains Marni Battista, expert dating coach and founder of DatingWithDignity.com. “It takes an entire toolkit of advanced skills to create truly win-win situations in relationships. A person who doesn’t have these skills will always go to those old ‘default’ tendencies to fill the void.” And thus, drama is born.

Ask yourself: Have I recently thrown either an object or a tantrum? If the answer is “yes,” you might be a drama queen. Take it down a notch by talking to your partner about why you’re feeling so angry and exactly what you need to feel calmer in the relationship. If you’re the one dealing with a drama queen, tell her you’re happy to discuss problems like an adult but you’re not interested in entertaining a whole restaurant with her shenanigans. If she doesn’t calm down, tell her to audition for a reality show and leave you alone.

Things that drive men crazy – 2. Expecting the man to pay for everything. Most men don’t mind picking up the check early on in a courtship, but after a few dates, it’s nice for a woman to offer to contribute financially — especially if exclusivity has been established. Men like to be generous, but they don’t like to be taken for suckers, especially if the woman they’re seeing has a good job. As a corollary to this one, “Men are often put off by women trying to get a sense early on about what he does for a living and how much he earns,” says Dr. Seth Meyers, a Los Angeles-based psychologist and author of Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription. Men are people, too. If they feel they’re being sized up for more shallow, resume-type qualities, they’ll be annoyed.

Things that drive men crazy – 3. “Wanting to know ‘where the relationship is going’ before he’s ready to say, or before he knows himself,” is a big one, according to Dr. Young. Dating is supposed to be a chance to get to know another person. It’s not a guarantee of finding a certain kind of relationship, and women who treat it this way drive men nuts. It’s almost as if the woman is selling herself short — after all, you can’t help but ask why a lady would want some kind of commitment from someone she doesn’t really know yet. Why is her “audition process” so short? Likewise, “Men often get bothered with women asking or talking about their beliefs about marriage and children early in the dating process,” observes Meyers. It puts too much pressure on what should be the fun part of getting to know someone when the end goal is the only thing a woman wants to focus on.

If the relationship isn’t likely to blossom into something steady and he’s upfront about that, a man wants the woman to hear what he’s saying and take him at face value. “Men are frustrated by women who don’t really believe them when they say, ‘I’m not in a place to have a relationship, but I really like hanging out with you,’” says Battista. “A man will give this ‘disclaimer’ and then be irritated when the woman finds she can’t change him, then begins to get angry that he hasn’t met her expectations.” If a woman wants to know how a man really feels and then gets hysterical after an honest response, it’s enough to — you guessed it — drive him crazy.

Things that drive men crazy – 4. Being controlling. “Correcting him on little details when he’s got the big picture right,” adds Dr. Young, is another thing that drives men bonkers. It’s often true that women are better at multitasking, but that doesn’t mean they have to run every detail of the show. A man will get frustrated if a woman asks him to do something then won’t give him a chance to do it his way. The real show-stopper is when she then claims she “has to do everything around here!” If this situation sounds familiar, how can you improve it?

“If you want to put a stop to people’s annoying behavior, you first have to make them aware of it,” says Marc Muchnick, Ph.D., author of No More Regrets! 30 Ways to Greater Happiness and Meaning in Your Life. “Often, people don’t realize that what they are doing is bugging you, so when you tell them, it may come as a surprise.” So tell your significant other that she has to trust you if she doesn’t want to plan every meal, vacation and weekend you spend together, guys. Then do a good job with the task — in your own way, of course — and she just might back off.

Things that drive men crazy – 5. Not getting enough “guy time.” In ancient cultures, men often spent most of their time with other men while the women socialized with each other. That, as we all know, has changed. And it’s hard for some men to accept. They want their guy time, and it’s rough when women don’t respect that. As long as “guys’ night out” isn’t a code for regularly losing thousands of dollars gambling or paying for strippers, men deserve to have time with their male friends. Deciding exactly how much time is appropriate should be left up to each couple. Remind her that time spent away from each other means the time you do have together will be that much richer — especially with funny stories about the ridiculous thing your buddy Paulie did last weekend. The key is, be reasonable. If you want more guy time than gal time, maybe having a wife or a girlfriend isn’t in the cards for you.

Source: Things that drive men crazy yahoo.match.com
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Your Husband

Predicting a divorce

Repairing a relationship

Dr. John Gottman: “Love Doctor” and his seven priciples

1. Know each other. Learn all about each other’s likes, dislikes, wishes, hopes, dreams, etc.

2. Focus on each other’s positive qualities, positive feelings for each other, and the good times you have shared with each other.

3. Interact frequently, tell each other about your day, your thoughts, your experiences. Romance is fueled not by candlelight dinners, but by interacting with your partner in numerous little ways.

But the book title refers to seven principles, not three, what about the other four? Oddly, Gottman’s last four principles are the traditional communication, negotiation, and conflict resolution principles with cute new names:

4. “Let your partner influence you.” Translation: share power.

5. “Solve your solvable problems.” Translation: Communicate respectfully, use “I” statements, criticize behavior without criticizing your partner, take a break when you’re getting too upset, and compromise. Gottman asserts that in both happy and unhappy marriages, more than 80% of the time the wife brings up marital conflicts while the husband tries to avoid discussing them. [This finding supports the hypothesis that 80% of all men are pigs.]

6. “Overcome gridlock.” Translation: understand your partner’s underlying feelings which are preventing resolution of the conflict.

7. “Create shared meaning.” Translation: share values, attitudes, interests, traditions. Source: http://www.nj-act.org/article8.html

***Thirteen things man wants from woman***

Can’t live with them and…

…you can’t live without them.

-by Sieg Pedde

How to make relationships work-Part 1

How to make relationships work-Part 2

How to make relationships work-Part 3

How to make relationships work-Part 4

We are accepting, compiling and creating blogs, vidoes and programming for all categories.

Please submit below or contact us through info@SAWNTV.COM.

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