Break The Silence – As many as 53 per cent, or one in every two children, are victims of child sexual abuse, which often happens at the hands of a trusted person, within the home. Parents must be vigilant and sensitive to their children’s signals; and a robust and specific law against child sexual abuse is needed.
53% Children in India have been sexually abused. 21% are seriously raped and 32% touched etc. Other South Asian countries are not far.
There is no bill against child abuse in India currently.
Why do South Asian women live in abusive relationships
Why do South Asian women live in abusive relationships?
South Asian families are based on the need of the collective which is in family, culture and religious context serving the need of many. As long as you remember the context that the needs of the group are more important than individual who is living his or her life to match with those of the group. This context makes individuals always adjusting their behaviour, sacrificing and trying to live up to the expectations of others. Through movies parents tell their daughters that you have married for life; their husbands home is their new place and they are to leave that place only when they are dead.
In addition to the context of group thinking, South Asian women’s identity, status and importance is defined by their marital status, children and home life. These women are not raised with the expectation of being the bread winner. In most cases, husbands earn the money.
South Asian women deciding to leave an abusive relationships will face or loose the following
Stigma of being abused or divorced
Pressures from the families
Their kids (less in North America)
Support of the community
Who is going to marry a divorced woman with children? (It is common in North America, but not in South Asian culture)
Shut up and put up mentality
Personally, life is too precious to be in an abusive, unhealthy or a dead marriage. However, every choice comes with a price and if you are willing to live with it, then you will make that choice for yourself. I would rather be poor, alone and disliked than be mistreated by someone.
You can see the documentary Unveiling The Abuse to show you Why do South Asian women live in abusive relationships?
Why do South Asian women live in abusive relationships is an open dialogue, feel free to leave your comments below.
Domestic Violence in South Asian families in the developed world
This may come to you as a shock, but shelters are filled with South Asian women in Europe and North America due to domestic violence.
In Toronto, Ontario Canada 6,500 cases of domestic violence were reported by South Asian women up 30% from the previous year. Toronto police is holding an event to bring awareness.
However, the same rules apply as to staying silent when it comes to domestic violence in South Asian families.
Many women still don’t break the silence due to the after math consequences.
Never ever give up
Do you look for your power outside of you?
Life is a beautiful thing, as long as “I” hold the string. Quote from Frank Sinatra Song “I’ve got the world on a string”.
Power is one of the most important concepts in your personal development.
Who has power over your life?
Do you say that other people, your circumstances or your environment has power over you?
Grant no man the authority to make you a slave.
Looking for attention, approval, confidence, assurance or endorsement, you cannot make someone else guardian of your life.
Unfortunately, most people will think more about what they are going to have for lunch than your problems, life or betterment.
Make your own decisions, so take full responsibility of the consequences, you can learn from them and grow from them.
Who is holding the strings of your life?
Teach others how you wanted to be treated
Remember: We teach others how to treat us, so be very careful at the beginning of a relationship to establish boundaries.
Do something, anything
Learn to set boundaries
Inform the perpetrator that behavior is not acceptable
Give them little bit time, if they don’t stop
Warn them this time with a consequence
If the behavior persists, carry the consequence through
Break the cycle Recognize what is happening Realize you don’t have to put up with it
Decide not to let the person get to you any more
Not giving permission to keep doing this
Take measures to interrupt or stop the game
Stop serving the serve
David D. Posen
Protect your children
All the ways, people will try to take away your power:
Guilt, manipulation, withholding necessities or privileges, black mailing, force, Ways to deal with controllers, abusers and problem people:
Avoid the opportunity
Run Peaceful non-involvement, non-cooperation,
Don’t play their game
Keep yourself out
Practice the words “NO,” “ENOUGH,” or”PERMISSION”
Build your own power instead of borrowing it Your own self-esteem, money and support
Gandhi: I am asking you to fight! To fight against their anger, not to provoke it. We will not strike a blow, but we will receive them. And through our pain we will make them see their injustice, and it will hurt — as all fighting hurts. But we cannot lose. We cannot. They may torture my body, break my bones, even kill me. Then, they will have my dead body — not my obedience.
If you are in trouble, there is always help available, call 911.
Tell someone elder or a family member that you trust.
Abuse, power struggles or control is not limited to women only.
As per http://www.newhopeforwomen.org, abusive behaviors are:
looming over the person, getting in their face, blocking a doorway, grabbing someone, following the person around, slapping, pulling hair, pushing, punching, beating, kicking, strangling, threatening with harm, using weapons, throwing things, breaking things, driving recklessly
rape, unwanted sexual touch, vulgar comments, getting a person pregnant against her will, pressuring a person to have sex, spreading sexual rumors, calling a person sexual names
Emotional or mental
mind games, manipulation, always being “right”, making accusations, controlling what a person does and who she sees and talks to, telling her how to dress, making all the decisions, blaming the other person for your faults
name calling, criticizing, publicly humiliating, put downs, yelling, swearing, sarcasm, silent treatment, threatening with harm Abuse is about Power and Control
What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the
striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him. What he needs is
not the discharge of tension at any cost, but the call of a potential
meaning waiting to be fulfilled by him. "
“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.”
Mary Anne Radmacher
”Do your work. Not just your work, do a little more, but that little is worth more than all the rest.
And if you suffer, as you must, and if you doubt, as you must, do your work.
Put your heart into it, and the sky will clear.
Then out of your doubt and suffering will be born the supreme joy of life.”
“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “press on” has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
"Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity.
We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand - and
melting like a snow flake"