Category: Abuse
Child Sexual Abuse in South Asian Families

Child Sexual Abuse in South Asian Families

Child Sexual Abuse in South Asian Families

Break The Silence – As many as 53 per cent, or one in every two children, are victims of child sexual abuse, which often happens at the hands of a trusted person, within the home. Parents must be vigilant and sensitive to their children’s signals; and a robust and specific law against child sexual abuse is needed.

53% Children in India have been sexually abused. 21% are seriously raped and 32% touched etc. Other South Asian countries are not far.

There is no bill against child abuse in India currently.

Child Sexual Abuse in South Asian Families

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Why do South Asian women live in abusive relationships

Why do South Asian women live in abusive relationships

Why do South Asian women live in abusive relationships?

South Asian families are based on the need of the collective which is in family, culture and religious context serving the need of many. As long as you remember the context that the needs of the group are more important than individual who is living his or her life to match with those of the group. This context makes individuals always adjusting their behaviour, sacrificing and trying to live up to the expectations of others. Through movies parents tell their daughters that you have married for life; their husbands home is their new place and they are to leave that place only when they are dead.

In addition to the context of group thinking, South Asian women’s identity, status and importance is defined by their marital status, children and home life. These women are not raised with the expectation of being the bread winner. In most cases, husbands earn the money.

South Asian women deciding to leave an abusive relationships will face or loose the following

  • Stigma of being abused or divorced
  • Pressures from the families
  • A paycheque
  • Their home
  • Their kids (less in North America)
  • Support of the community
  • Who is going to marry a divorced woman with children? (It is common in North America, but not in South Asian culture)
  • Shut up and put up mentality

Personally, life is too precious to be in an abusive, unhealthy or a dead marriage. However, every choice comes with a price and if you are willing to live with it, then you will make that choice for yourself. I would rather be poor, alone and disliked than be mistreated by someone.

You can see the documentary Unveiling The Abuse to show you Why do South Asian women live in abusive relationships?

 

Why do South Asian women live in abusive relationships is an open dialogue, feel free to leave your comments below.

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How to stop abuse in South Asian Families

How to stop abuse in South Asian Families

Abuse happens in all countries, cultures and religions including South Asian families.

By no means all families suffer by this curse.

This dialogue is concerning incest involving children (sexual abused by their relatives including touching). As per wikipedia, Incest is sexual intercourse between close relatives[1][2] that is usually illegal in the jurisdiction where it takes place and/or is conventionally considered a taboo. The term may apply to sexual activities between: individuals of close “blood relationship”; members of the same householdstep relatives related by adoption or marriage; and members of the same clan or lineage.[3] See also Laws regarding incest.

How to stop abuse in South Asian Families

The problem with South Asian families is that they don’t talk about,

do something or stop the abuse knowing very well that it is taking place in the family.

What is unique about incest in South Asian families?

      • Because of our high pride, family privacy and fear of shame, it is never spoken about.
      • The obsession with piousness and virginity stops girls from coming forward.
      • Victims are the ones blamed for the abuse that it must have been your fault
      • Victims get labelled for rest of their lives.
      • Fears of who is going to marry a girl who has been abused?
      • Sex being a tabu subject.
      • Not being comfortable with our bodies.
      • Having such high virtues where there is no place for passion.
      • Children seen, but not heard.
      • Shut up, put up mentality

How to stop abuse in South Asian Families

If adults don’t put a stop to this, the abuse continues through generations.

Children live in constant fear and isolation.

When they try to get help from their parents, they are told to shut up, it was your fault or I will kill you, if you said something.

Who is going to put a stop to it then?

Not speaking about it does not make it go away.

Dangers of not speaking about the problem are as follows:

  • The cycle of abuse continues
  • In most cases, the offender is an uncle, cousin or a close relative and continues the abuse without any repercussions
  • Victims never get help
  • The girls or boys are affected for the rest of their lives
  • People come to accept it as a part of their lives

How to top incest in South Asian families?

Do away with your false pride and have the courage to stand up, stop the abuser and punish them.

Under any circumstances, it is not acceptable that a family member touches another with malicious intent.

How to stop abuse in South Asian Families
Here are some things you can do to protect your children:

  • Opportunity is the first reason why an abuser takes advantage, so eliminate them
  • Communicate to your children regularly to find out what is going on in their lives as a friend
  • Ensure that they know that nobody is suppose to touch them in an inappropriate way and what is that
  • Don’t leave your children alone with someone you don’t trust
  • Install babysitter cameras in plush toys
  • Avoid sending your children to hostels for education
  • If you find out a family member abusing someone, report them immediately
  • Take an active role in protecting all children because your child could be next
  • Have the courage to stand up to disdain of others to protect children and adultescents
  • Get children help, if the abuse has taken place
  • Support children coming forward with that information

You cannot change others, but things can change with yourself and your family.

How to stop abuse in South Asian families?

What to do if you are in an abusive situation?

What to do if you are a parent?

What to do if you know a relative is abusing someone?

You are not alone….and it is not your fault. You can find out more information about how to deal with abuse by clicking here. 
How to stop abuse in South Asian Families is an open dialogue and we encourage your feed back.

Another great source by United Nations Effective Police Responses to Violence Against Women

Have the courage to call the person out.

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Domestic Violence in South Asian families

Domestic Violence in South Asian families in the developed world

This may come to you as a shock, but shelters are filled with South Asian women in Europe and North America due to domestic violence.

In Toronto, Ontario Canada 6,500 cases of domestic violence were reported by South Asian women up 30% from the previous year. Toronto police is holding an event to bring awareness.

However, the same rules apply as to staying silent when it comes to domestic violence in South Asian families.

Many women still don’t break the silence due to the after math consequences.

Never ever give up

Do you look for your power outside of you?

Life is a beautiful thing, as long as “I” hold the string. Quote from Frank Sinatra Song “I’ve got the world on a string”.

Power is one of the most important concepts in your personal development.

Who has power over your life?

Do you say that other people, your circumstances or your environment has power over you?

Grant no man the authority to make you a slave.

Looking for attention, approval, confidence, assurance or endorsement, you cannot make someone else guardian of your life.

Unfortunately, most people will think more about what they are going to have for lunch than your problems, life or betterment.

Make your own decisions, so take full responsibility of the consequences, you can learn from them and grow from them.

Who is holding the strings of your life?



Teach others how you wanted to be treated

Remember: We teach others how to treat us, so be very careful at the beginning of a relationship to establish boundaries.
Do something, anything
Seek help
Take action



Learn to set boundaries

Inform the perpetrator that behavior is not acceptable
Give them little bit time, if they don’t stop
Warn them this time with a consequence
If the behavior persists, carry the consequence through

 

Break the cycle
Recognize what is happening
Realize you don’t have to put up with it
Decide not to let the person get to you any more
Not giving permission to keep doing this
Take measures to interrupt or stop the game
Stop serving the serve
David D. Posen

Protect your children

All the ways, people will try to take away your power:

Guilt, manipulation, withholding necessities or privileges, black mailing, force,
Ways to deal with controllers, abusers and problem people:

Avoid the opportunity

Run
Peaceful non-involvement, non-cooperation,

Don’t play their game

Keep yourself out

Practice the words “NO,” “ENOUGH,” or”PERMISSION”

Build your own power instead of borrowing it
Your own self-esteem, money and support

Gandhi: I am asking you to fight! To fight against their anger, not to provoke it. We will not strike a blow, but we will receive them. And through our pain we will make them see their injustice, and it will hurt — as all fighting hurts. But we cannot lose. We cannot. They may torture my body, break my bones, even kill me. Then, they will have my dead body — not my obedience.

 

itt

If you are in trouble, there is always help available, call 911.
Tell someone elder or a family member that you trust.

Abuse, power struggles or control is not limited to women only.

As per http://www.newhopeforwomen.org, abusive behaviors are:

Physical
looming over the person, getting in their face, blocking a doorway, grabbing someone, following the person around, slapping, pulling hair, pushing, punching, beating, kicking, strangling, threatening with harm, using weapons, throwing things, breaking things, driving recklessly
Sexual
rape, unwanted sexual touch, vulgar comments, getting a person pregnant against her will, pressuring a person to have sex, spreading sexual rumors, calling a person sexual names
Emotional or mental
mind games, manipulation, always being “right”, making accusations, controlling what a person does and who she sees and talks to, telling her how to dress, making all the decisions, blaming the other person for your faults
Verbal
name calling, criticizing, publicly humiliating, put downs, yelling, swearing, sarcasm, silent treatment, threatening with harm
Abuse is about Power and Control


So build empowering illusions that serve you.

Nothing external to you has power over you.-Ralph Waldo Emerson

You are not alone….and it is not your fault. You can find out more information about how to deal with abuse by clicking here.

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