Growing Up As A South Asian Man


Growing Up As A South Asian Man is not easy.

When I was born, I remember hearing from family members that there was remorse in the family that oh no a boy; a girl would have been much preferred.

As growing up, I recall my mother and grandmother giving a preferencial treatment to my sister. More food for her and preferncial treatment in many ways.

The worst is that my mother kept me in the kitchen most of the time teaching me how to cook and be an agreeable husband.

My sister was not allowed to enter the kitchen. Even if she or my mother wanted a glass of water, I had to get up and go fetch them water, serve food, pick up dishes and even clean up after them.

The craziest thing was that on purpose I was asked to leave the dinning table to fetch something or other at least 3 times during the dinner. Later I was explained that the reason for getting me up so many times was so I would become patient and husband like material.

Being submissive, agreeable and flexible are the best treatments supported by South Asian families as a husband to survive any type of wife that I may end up getting.

All my life, I was treated in a way to become very malleable to be a good husband. I was supposed to sacrifice my needs over my wife’s and her families.

At the time, I got married my mother saw me off and said that may you only come back to this home as a dead man. From now on, no matter what, your new wife’s home is your final destination.

Oh my father in law was another wonderful man who made sure to practice and to repeat the cycle of injustices that happened to him during his early marriage years. You would think that he would understand.

Any who, here I am arranged married into a family. Once a year, I fast for a day for long life of my wife.

If she yells, screams or is in a bad mood, I am supposed to patiently put up with it.

Her bouts of getting herself satisfied in bed are another thing. I am tired of looking after our kids, house hold chores and work. She jumps on me and is done in .30 seconds.  I feel like telling her that I want my money back for even indulging. Being a dutiful husband, of course I cannot say that.

I assure you that it is not the story of most South Asian husbands. Maybe 90% of them with slight variations and then why are our wives so over reacting to us voicing any slight concern or a murmur about what is going on. They fear us getting too independent. Loosing control and power over us.

Growing up as a South Asian man is not easy, neither is as a woman because life is a bitch that gets most of us by one or another trials, adversity or plain unavoidable witch suffering. Who is to say whose suffering is more for the one who may stay home and raise babies or to the one who goes out and fights the world to bring bread home.

Since life is so tough why not live it compassionately with understanding, forgiveness and humility caring, loving and assuring each other that we are alright together in a not so perfect world.

This is a rant and rave by growing up as a South Asian man.

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