Stalking or Love

Bollywood movies and dramas over-romance society so much that a man relentlessly chasing a woman is considered love.

In the developed world, this is considered stalking. Many South Asian women unfortunately have to deal with this issue on a regular basis. It is not defined as a problem however, and is considered normal especially by men. After much insistence, even if the guy ends up getting the girl, is it out of love or fear?

Stalking or love?

This is a true story of a girl that we recently helped.

The young woman was stalked for 2 1/2 years by an alcoholic, unemployed man in the name of romance. If girls are alone and need support, sometimes they might depend on a man close by. It does not necessarily mean that they are having a romantic relationship with the man. Let us say for arguments sake that she did have a romantic relationship with this man. She has a right to change her mind. We had to tell the young woman that she deserves to feel safe, peaceful and happy instead of dealing with this for so long. We made videos to send her about  knowing your rightswho is in control and speaking up. After several meetings, calls and e-mails, she finally requested a restraining order. Unfortunately, she had challenges dealing with a police woman who was not very supportive of her in this matter. The man who was stalking her threatened to shoot her. So, it is easy to understand the need to keep the identities of the women of the South Asian Network TV confidential.

Isolation for these women is not necessarily a good thing because they are more likely to fall into the hands of someone who might take advantage of them. Therefore, SAWNTV insists on women supporting women. Creating a confidential and anonymous call centre is also very important.

Just because something is considered a norm, normal or status quo does not excuse the constant agony of a human being.

Unfortunately, there is not much research in these matters because people don’t speak about it. I have had personal experiences with stalking and know for a fact what I am writing about. I have been stalked many times, and currently have a restraining order against someone in affect as we speak. I was also physically hit by one of these men. Some men just don’t seem to take no for an answer; especially knowing that a girl is all by herself. I have received bouquets of roses at work several times, big stuffed animals left on my door amongst other horrific things like unwelcome e-mails, calls and text messages. I considered with much frustration that it was just infatuation, but this infatuation takes away your peace of mind, freedom and liberty to move about your business freely.

If you speak to some South Asian men, they say oh no in Canada women have all the freedom and rights. However, it is not necessarily true because South Asian women are still caught in a struggle with the same mindset and culture following them here.

-A south Asian woman

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