Why I cried today

Why I cried today – it was not because I was sad.

Late one night during a heavy rain storm,
when I was 11 years old,
my step mother made me fetch water from the well,
to fill two barrels in the house,
that were each taller and wider than I was.

The well was far away,
and I had two heavy canisters slung from a pole across my shoulders.

The way was steep and pitch black,
without any lights because there was a blackout,
and the path was slippery and treacherous with wet mud.

Swarms of big black ants were biting my feet.

Trying to come back up the muddy steps  from the well,
carrying the very heavy water,
I kept slipping and the ants kept painfully biting me.

I was crying.

One of the water canisters fell on my foot,
making a deep gash that left a scar for life.

The pain was excruciating.

My foot was bleeding,
and when my step mother saw it,
she did not even put a bandage on it.

I did not cry for it being slippery, for the rain, for the heaviness of the water or for the ants’ bites.

I cried for the lack of humanity, affection or care.

I screamed, “Dear God, I don’t have anyone and there is just you,
and you alone”.

I am not religious and I don’t practice any religious rituals.
I believe religion is often used as a tool,
to control and blackmail people,
through restrictions, manipulations and expectations.

I do however, engage in spiritual practices such as meditation.

Whenever I have been alone, in trouble or plain scared, I have prayed.

“Please come and help me out of this situation”,  I have asked Him,  for guidance, support and direction.

I have asked for strength, courage or plain forbearance for humans’ selfishness, self-centredness and cruelty.

I have asked for forgiveness for the perpetrators,
and I have asked for help,
in never loosing my ability for compassion, love and belief in humanity.

I could go on and on,  telling you so many worse stories,
but my point is that I only survived,
because of my faith and belief in God and humanity.

Religious people may disdain me as an atheist,
due to my choice of outfit or independence,
but who is to say that this connection I have with God,
which for me was the difference between life and death,
is not the strongest there is.

He has always come to my rescue and I feel so loved and blessed.

I am writing a letter to God and his angels here on earth,
because He sent an army today,
which restored my faith in humanity one more time.

I am so blessed to be in Canada, to be free and to be loved so immensely.

So what if my father does not understand.
So what my mom is not alive, and so what if my family does not get me.

 

His army of angels is helping.
They are showing up from the woodwork and it is so wonderful to see.

I have no words to describe how much I am in awe of people’s generosity, support, understanding and compassion,
for me, and millions of other  women who are going to be empowered through SAWNTV.

We still have a long way to go, but this start is amazing.

Let us be a friend to that little girl who is crying for help, due to abuse.
It may it be physical, sexual, psychological

or pure neglect of love or basic human rights.

Why I cried today –  these are the tears of joy, gratefulness and pure belief in humanity.

-A South Asian woman


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