Predicting a divorce

Repairing a relationship

Dr. John Gottman: “Love Doctor” and his seven priciples

1. Know each other. Learn all about each other’s likes, dislikes, wishes, hopes, dreams, etc.

2. Focus on each other’s positive qualities, positive feelings for each other, and the good times you have shared with each other.

3. Interact frequently, tell each other about your day, your thoughts, your experiences. Romance is fueled not by candlelight dinners, but by interacting with your partner in numerous little ways.

But the book title refers to seven principles, not three, what about the other four? Oddly, Gottman’s last four principles are the traditional communication, negotiation, and conflict resolution principles with cute new names:

4. “Let your partner influence you.” Translation: share power.

5. “Solve your solvable problems.” Translation: Communicate respectfully, use “I” statements, criticize behavior without criticizing your partner, take a break when you’re getting too upset, and compromise. Gottman asserts that in both happy and unhappy marriages, more than 80% of the time the wife brings up marital conflicts while the husband tries to avoid discussing them. [This finding supports the hypothesis that 80% of all men are pigs.]

6. “Overcome gridlock.” Translation: understand your partner’s underlying feelings which are preventing resolution of the conflict.

7. “Create shared meaning.” Translation: share values, attitudes, interests, traditions. Source: http://www.nj-act.org/article8.html

***Thirteen things man wants from woman***

Can’t live with them and…

…you can’t live without them.

-by Sieg Pedde

How to make relationships work-Part 1

How to make relationships work-Part 2

How to make relationships work-Part 3

How to make relationships work-Part 4

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